happenings

this sample coffee from seattle roast makes me want to end everything with an exclamation point. yes!

"I can live with Ben working crazy hours. But I can’t live without girlfriends around to talk about men with! . . . It’s fine if he’s not there; I just need someone to bitch about it to!" -- Jennifer Garner.

Oh god I just found out i can hand in everything on MONDAY instead of Tomorrow because of Thanksgiving that makes me SO THANKFUL you can't even imagine

it's been a stressful couple of nights of barely sleeping. i was over at jack's for 12 hours yesterday while we were tweaking the sound mix, but it's looking and sounding really good

this film looks and feels like a movie -- there are going to be some bits that need some more tweaking, but for the review, it'll be more than fine. now to get book things together.

it's been a weekend full of recording music and sound design for The Good Daughter. After putting in about 5ish hours yesterday with Tonio and Jack, today was another 5-6 hour session tweaking vocals and figuring out where to accent moments. Jason picked me up thoroughly exhausted, and it's only just about now (late late dinner and a cup of coffee later) I feel ready to attack more work. There are so many people putting in their blood, sweat, tears and time for this project that it amazes me. As a screenwriting major, putting together a project is very solitary, but for The Good Daughter, there are a whole number of people who are apart of this. It makes me feel very grateful and appreciated. I only hope the project will open more doors for everyone. It definitely feels like a nice graduation from The Child, although at times I feel so closely intertwined with this project that I can't be thoroughly objective about it.

Jason is finishing color correction as I speak -- then it'll be time to lay back everything back onto the timeline and finish the placement and translation of subtitles. Hopefully I can get my book together tonight as well and then send it in for printing Tuesday evening latest. I feel so strange to be at this part of the production, the final home stretch. I have to admit a part of me definitely wants to hole up and hibernate after this, but I'm excited to start new projects too. Music, for one. And I gotta get back on producing Jason's film. It's kind of hard to do it properly when all this final review stuff is swimming around my head. Feels slightly mayjah if I do say so myself.

But god, what a difference it is to be able to record something and have it sound technically awesome. I'm really not used to that.

New York, I miss you. Childhood, I miss you too. Feeling older and younger at the same time. Can't wait to have a proper piano/keyboard. It's not something a tin flute can suffice.

happy things:

- being only 5 minutes late when meeting my brother (as opposed to the usual 30.)
- actually, i overslept, but being that i was able to get up and get out the door and feel somewhat presentable was a good accomplishment (i've been severely lagging in this area for WEEKS now)

- finding that $3 will buy you 8 decent sized veggie-pork buns in chinatown (yes!)
- and there's also a store that sells kaya. oh, gloriosity! and yakult. didn't buy any, but the fact that I can get a decent set of groceries for a couple of days for under $20 cheers me up. (sick of ramen, bleh)

- my computer harddrive has been retrieved and replaced. this has added to my low funds, but at least (hopefully), some things i'll be able to get back? (i'd been counting on none.) lesson: back-up, kids. like, NOW. and not just half of it, ALL OF IT.

- i've taken a pair of jason's ripped jeans that he can no longer wear, and have started making a patchwork jean skirt/dress. the sewing calms me, though i'm not a virtuoso and i have enough to do. but cleaning and sewing helps motivate me to get all of this done. aiming to get everything done by Tuesday so i can hand it in on Thursday without any hiccups (fingers crossed).

things i'd like to start doing (again):

- rock climbing. i found myself belaying myself on the closet walls (somewhat foolishly) while cleaning out some rather large boxes. i miss climbing. wistfully.

- practice chinese. i think this feeds with possibly wanting to spend some years in china/taiwan/singapore. if a good job is available there that i wouldn't absolutely flounder at would be cool. i feel like my chinese is dwindling, despite the use of it in this film.

yup yup. will add more as i think them up.

back to work!

Jason got Up on blu-ray, and while he fell asleep, I sat through the whole film, more tuned in to the music than the past couple times of watching. Having piano solely to elevate a scene is simple, straight forward and beautiful. I'm not sure if that's what The Good Daughter needs, but I do know that having me sing *might* be overkill. I'm already all over this film, literally. Not that *I'm* over it, but sometimes I wonder if doing so much of everything is unnecessary. At this point though, I feel like I don't have much of a choice.

My brother kindly reminded me that I have 13 days left before I'm supposed to hand everything in. It's slightly unnerving, and I have a feeling I'm going to be quite sleep deprived on Thanksgiving, but hopefully all of it will be worth it.

i gotta get out of this apartment today. like, stat.

the more i look at the amount of work i have to do, the more it feels like it multiplies. surely, it isn't, but it feels that way. i feel this, in return, has been making me more tired and ornery around jason. inevitably, i'm sure. it's hard not to feel stressed out when i feel the looming brunt of student loans on top of the pressure to graduate without a hitch. but this is normal life for most people. what's the big deal?

i admit sometimes i wish i could just fast forward through all of this, but it's not the ideal thing to do. it's probably better to just tackle things bit by bit as they come and to really enjoy myself in it. it feels hard to, sometimes. i wish i were more happy-go-lucky. i do believe i'm giving myself another stress rash with all this pressure (knock on wood). hopefully not. i gotta focus. bird by bird, woman. come on, now...

Someday I'd like
a day to myself
where i'm not wondering
if i love you
any less
you say what's with
all the second guess
-ing and i say i don't know i dont' know i dont' know

you ask, "am i so horrible?"
a mask for the unloveable
my moods they'll fluctuate before they will give
oh, hearts should beat unstoppable
but emotions oh so palpable
oh wicked thoughts how can i forgive

someday i'd like
to join you withal
and together we will
solve the riddle
of wondering what it means to be free

i'll kiss you hold you have you near
and together it will all be clear
what it means and what not it means
to stay

god it feels so good to get back into music. i went into a toy store and bought a 23-keys keyboard for 3 year olds for $10 and a tin whistle for $5. so far, i can only squeak out "twinkle twinkle little star" on the whistle and sound one hand solo mod simplistic on the keys, but it's a start and i'm excited. i am muy rusty ze guitar, but i played with tone and vocal harmonics and did some basic recording for some ideas. it's a start. i think catching "this is it" with my brother helped, though it made me kind of sad at moments. that MJ collage i started months ago still isn't done. i ought to finish it and i will, but it's a process, along with everything else.

life is very full, but i'm in a good place and i feel love and (slightly) more comfortable in my skin. poor, but hopeful and creative. and possibly quite sleep-deprived and in between haircuts. but this is much better than feeling blue. gotta focus on the work. yes.

quotes of the evening:

"i have a tendency of breaking up with guys on my birthday. so with this one guy, i waited a whole three days AFTER my birthday before i broke up with him!"
"well, it's not your birthday anymore, so we're safe!"

...

"and you can't tell them that they don't know what they don't know that they don't know."
"...right?"

i had a dream last night that i was screening The Good Daughter for classmates, only it was a very rough assembly edit assembled the first day of shooting, so halfway through the film turned into a german art film or something a la hedwig and the angry inch. pithy clapping ensued.

i believe this is my brain telling me to get a move on things. november is almost here. yikes!

via my mom:

my father, watching the Golden Horse awards on TV, turns to my mom and says, "i wish julie would hurry up and graduate" and then, without taking a breath, says, "i wonder when she's going to win one of these and be the next ang lee."

oh the irony. i gotta focus on the work first! and i'm not sure if i want to be the next anybody, but the sentiment, coming from my father, means a lot.

<3

I just rewatched The Child. It's been a while -- I still adore some moments in that film, for all of its imperfections. There is a sweetness and naiveté about it. Heart, I think some people would say.

...but really, what amused me most was that the "Behind The Scenes" were filmed at a laundromat. In The Good Daughter, my character works at a laundromat. It's the bane of her existence.

I didn't really do that all on purpose, oddly enough.

off to safeway now to buy some tilapia...

I can't believe it's Thursday. I can't tell if I want it to be earlier in the week, but it feels strange that it's a Thursday. The news is brimming with a 6-year-old boy who may or may not have been in a home-made hot-air balloon that got untethered. It was really heartbreaking to watch on CNN. It immediately made me think of the trailer for Enduring Love, which is probably inappropriate of me and indicative that I'm probably starting to associate everything with movies. But my heart breaks for that family. Especially the parents. And that little boy -- what a confusing flux of emotions.

I'm starting a new re-edit of the film. The rough cut was 26 minutes, and I already know it's going to be much shorter. I crave a piano, especially because I've been itching to do the score, but guitar and vocal doesn't feel entirely right. This, of course, goes back to the glaring fact that we don't have room for one in the apartment and I am seriously lacking in the funds to afford one. But it's what I've been craving, nonetheless. Something along the lines of a baby grand piano that's only about 36" long. Which I know sounds ridiculous, but yes.

we wrapped last night around 7:30pm. It felt like 10pm, despite of it. Grabbed dinner with friends and then ended up at Tommy's Joynt with Jason and another friend where a waitress refused to serve us coffee. Had we been in more annoyed moods there would have been much bloodshed.

I've been using the day to recuperate. After returning gear in the morning and running some errands downtown, I'm back at home, after watching a movie on Netflix and attempted some crosswords and sudokus in the paper. It's strange to think that this was all over so fast, but it's really not completely over yet. I need to get through the rough assembly of the film, and then get onto the score. I'm excited to be getting back into music, although I'm still a bit congested to do anything vocal. I can't believe it's already October. It's as if since starting this film, a month to two months just literally flew out of my life. But it was worth it. And I'm honestly proud of what this film has been so far. Everyone on set was amazing and the general feel I get is that everyone is looking forward to the outcome. I want to make this thing awesome, and hopefully it will be. It's nice to be making movies and music again. It makes all the intensive labor of writing and method studying worth it.

I better get cracking. Maybe after a slice of pizza. :)

so I have the spatterings of a cold -- mostly the sniffles. thank god the make-out scene was last weekend. i should probably stock up on chicken soup, porridge, orange juice and ginger tea. it's probably a combination of the weather, and the stress of doing all of this for the film -- but mostly I feel fine. One more weekend, and then it's onto the next phase of fine-tuning the film: editing, sound, and color-correction. Come on health, stick with me...

i got struck with a melody as i was walking past civic center today, on the way home. i started humming and singing to myself as i was taking out my keys, opening the door. i recorded the melody and then a burst of harmonies decided to join in the chorus.

it's a demo track and it's not perfect
it's a bit sad and bit acuvue toric
got a little radiohead a la "hunting bears"
got a little bit of secret garden's "prayer" -- maybe it sounds a little bit too like it.

i'm just arppegioting, after all!

ah, we'll see. perhaps after this, onto some editing and some laundromat hunting. ?

i want to shoot a companion music video for a possible title track for "the good daughter". of course, this idea hits me as i'm singing outloud to foreigner's "i want to know what love is" -- not the mariah carey or tina arena versions.

it may be premature of me to think of this, considering that we still have another weekend to shoot -- but the dp suggested to save one specific scene for the weekend after this weekend because we may be able to get primes for the ex3 (the camera we've been shooting off of), which would create more depth of field (a more film look, vs a digital one).

if, for example, i got a gist of a track written and laid down -- maybe we could shoot a music video for it. maybe? and then it would be very, say, celine dion to "titanic" -- or rather, miley cyrus to "hannah montana" or something.

don't know -- i may be getting ahead of myself. i'm just craving all these music videos on mtv i grew up watching in the 90s and remembering how much i just wanted to just be one of those singers who put out albums and had videos on tv. i totally want to do music a la whigfield or teresa teng or lisa stansfield or something at some point in my life. and just the other day, when i revisited listening to mimi, i got the urge to really jump back into music again. i need to finish the film, but until then, first things first. i'm cutting my finger nails.

i'm excited about working on music. i really am. i feel i have to hold myself back until we wrap, but man, i really want to get back into it and start songwriting again. i gotta find a piano too, because i'm not sure if i necessarily want to go acoustic this time -- but we'll see. music, music, i miss you. and not in an american idol sort of way. you just make sense in my world of design and film and writing. i need all my creative children. they make sense in this collage, as neurotic and self-contained as it may sound.

and also--i gotta find a bar for this weekend's shoot. here's hoping.

i will say that the film is looking quite good -- i have a good feeling about it. let's hope we can maintain momentum.

snip snip now. (or is it clip clip?)

i totally thought the chorus went "we like papaya" when i was younger.

Man, do I miss pop from the early 90s.